


Counsellor Garmadon

by ninjalololover



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, And Anger Issues, Counselling, ENJOY! :), Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, and darker topics, cause each chapter's a little different, i'll also add spoilers when there are any, like interrupting people, the bad things that have happened to the ninja throughout the seasons, the ninja get the therapy they deserve, there's light themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25005904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjalololover/pseuds/ninjalololover
Summary: Garmadon never dies and instead becomes a licensed therapist. The ninja, though reluctant at first, finally get the help they need.
Comments: 38
Kudos: 101





	1. The First Session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings :)

Zane gripped his knees, fingers digging into the thick material of his pants. His back was so straight, he wasn’t even touching the chair. He stared down as his lap, counting the folds and creases in his shirt, in his pants, pointedly ignoring the person sitting in front of him.

Garmadon sat opposite, a notepad in his lap and a pen flicking in his hand. Out of all their students, Zane had managed to be both the most willing and most reluctant to talk to him. He was grateful for Zane taking the chance, hopefully it would open the way for the others.

“How are you feeling Zane?” He asked, resting his pen on the pad.

Zane looked up, eyeing the notepad and squeezing his knees tighter.

Garmadon followed his gaze and picked up the pad, leaving it on the table in between them. “It’s for notes,” he explained, “My memory is not as good as it used to be but if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s alright.”

Zane shrugged, his entire body tense.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair to give Zane some space. “I am grateful that you agreed to join me here today,” he began, “You have all been through so much, too much for anyone to deal with alone.” Garmadon leaned forward, reaching for Zane’s knees. When Zane flinched, he withdrew, mirroring his posture but more relaxed. “You need to talk to someone, and if you wish to speak to someone else instead we can arrange that. No matter what, anything you say here stays right here, I will never share.”

“You won’t tell anyone?” Zane murmured, his hands curling into fists, his eyes staring down hard into his lap.

Garmadon leaned forward, his expression soft, “I swear it Zane, anything you tell me here will remain between us.”

Zane looked up, studying Garmadon’s expression. He wanted so badly to talk, to tell someone about his thoughts, about the things that had happened. “I–” he faltered, frost spreading from his hands.

“It’s alright Zane,” Garmadon said, offering Zane a warm smile, “We have all the time in the world.”


	2. I'm A Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Anger issues, implied self-harm  
> Spoilers for Season 11

Zane exchanged a simple nod with Garmadon as he entered the office, quietly sitting down in his usual seat. 

Garmadon left his desk and took the chair opposite Zane, placing his notebook and pencil on the table in front of them. “How are you doing?” Garmadon began, breaking the silence with a basic question. 

Zane shrugged, staring down at his hands clenched over his knees. “I-” he faltered, pondering. He knew he could trust Garmadon, their sessions had shown him that much, but he often wasted so much time with small talk, trying to build up his confidence to talk about the real problem. So much time wasted when he could be facing his problems. 

He didn’t want to waste time today. 

“I am doing awful.” He stated, a heavy feeling settling over him. “I thought about the strategies we talked about, and… and I’ve been trying.” 

Garmadon nodded, encouraging him to continue. 

“I wanted to cook, it was always my favourite past time,” Zane continued after a lengthy pause, taking all the time he needed to get his thoughts in order, to get the words out in the open air. “But I just-” his voice broke, “can’t.” 

He bit back a sob, his shoulders shaking and chest throbbing. “I used, no, I love cooking. It is so relaxing to create, to take other things and create something new and delicious but every time I try… things go wrong.” He folded his arms, digging his fingers into his arms, “I crack an egg and the shell breaks into tiny pieces, all of them falling into the bowl. I mix the ingredients and they spill over the bowl, falling out and clumping together all wrong. I leave things in the oven or on the stove for too long and it all burns.” He sniffled, “It makes… it makes me so angry. So frustrated. I…” he took another steadying breath, trying hard to ignore the tears building in his eyes. “I throw the eggs onto the floor. I knock the bowl off the bench. I tear the oven door off. I break things, I let them shatter, I tear them apart.” 

Garmadon leaned forwards, his hands resting loosely on his knees in a silent show of support, patiently waiting for Zane to finish. 

“I am still every bit the monster I pray every night to leave behind,” he muttered, the disgust and guilt plain in his voice. “When it doesn’t go my way, I can feel my limbs shaking with rage, begging to be let loose, wanting a violent release.” He stared down at his folded arms, his fingers curling against his skin as they dug in, unable to do any real damage to his metal skin. “Nothing else is working. Breathing makes me shake more, counting is impossible to do because I can’t think, I can’t move or else I’ll break.” Zane turned his face to Garmadon, tears streaking down his face, “There is no hope for me.” 

Garmadon reached out a hand, holding it palm up and waiting for Zane to take it, if he so pleased. 

He reached out and placed his hand on Garmadon’s, using his other hand to wipe the tears from his face.

“Zane, I can see how hard you have been trying, how much work you put into doing the strategies we discussed,” Garmadon began, squeezing Zane’s hand, “It is okay that they aren’t working. They are not for everyone and I am so, so proud of you for giving them a go.” He offered Zane a warm smile, to show his sincerity. “I wasn’t there in the other realm and I won’t pretend to assume I know what you went through but I do see you now, I see you being the kind, compassionate, selfless person you have always been.” He held Zane’s hand with both of his, giving him a gentle squeeze. “The horrors you endured do not change the person you are inside.” Garmadon released Zane’s hand when he felt him pull away, resting them on his knees. 

“I do not feel the same,” Zane replied, staring at his feet, “I feel violent and cruel and angry, and then I feel frustrated and upset that I dare feel that way. I will never be able to let go of the monster I became.” 

“Then don’t,” Garmadon countered. 

Zane straightened, surprised by Garmadon’s comment. 

“Let me explain,” he continued, unsurprised by Zane’s reaction. “You were in that realm for decades, an experience like that isn’t just going to leave you overnight. It will take time to move on, to let go of what happened.” 

“How much time?” Zane interrupted, his eyes wide and pleading. 

Garmadon gave him a small smile, “I wish I could tell you no time at all, but in truth, it will take more time than you want. It will take patience, it will take successes and it will also take failures, steps forward and steps back,” he shuffled forward in his seat, leaning closer to Zane, “It will not be an easy journey, but it is not a journey you have to take alone.”

“I just want to be better.” Zane muttered, turning his head away. 

“You are already better,” Garmadon reached his hand across the table and placed his hand on Zane’s knees, “You are here, talking to me, working on improving yourself. That is better.” He leaned back, removing his hand from Zane, “I can tell you from experience that just trying to be better, is already leagues ahead of where you were.” 

“What did you do, when the impulses came?” Zane asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

“I pictured the people I was trying to change for,” he answered, “And then I took myself out of the situation and beat a tree.” 

Zane stared, surprised, “You beat a tree?” 

Garmadon nodded. “Put on some gloves and punched it as hard as I could,” he turned away from Zane’s state, “Although I admit, sometimes I wouldn’t use the glove.” He turned back to Zane, “It took me awhile, and a lot of holes in walls, to figure out what I needed to do. But it works for me, and I still use it.” 

“You still… feel them?” Zane asked, his voice quiet again, fearful. 

“Yes, I do,” he replied, sighing. It broke his heart to see Zane look so disappointed, staring at his own hands, lost in his thoughts. “But,” he continued, grabbing Zane’s attention again, “They are nowhere near as frequent, and sometimes, I don’t need to put on the gloves to move past them.” He leaned forward again, “You will get there Zane, I believe in you.” 

“What if I don’t?” Zane mumbled, squeezing his own hands, “What if I don’t believe I’ll get better?” 

Garmadon stood and walked around the table so he was next to Zane. He knelt down, one hand on Zane’s shoulder and the other on the arm of the chair. “Then I’ll believe in you, and I’ll never stop.” 

“Even when I fail?” Zane asked, “Even when I ruin the kitchen, break a door, put holes in all the walls?” 

“Never,” Garmadon affirmed, “I will never stop believing in you.”

Zane sat sit, absorbing Garmadon’s words. He turned to face him, his warm eyes and welcoming smile. He threw his arms around Garmadon and hugged, squeezing tight. 

Garmadon returned the hug, rubbing small circles onto Zane’s back as he cried into his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” Zane mumbled between sobs, “Thank you for believing in me.” 

“Always,” Garmadon replied, giving Zane a squeeze. “Always.”


	3. I Don't Mean It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings :)

Garmadon looked up as Jay stormed into his office, shutting the door behind him and plopping onto the chair, staring into his lap. He stood and headed to the door, locking it and taking his place opposite Jay. He pulled a ball from a box and handed it to Jay, giving it a squeeze to demonstrate its purpose before sitting back down. 

Jay squeezed and twisted the ball Garmadon had given him, fingers digging into the soft material. He bit his lips, struggling to find meaning in his racing thoughts, his heart thumping and chest so tight he could hardly breathe. 

“Let’s start with what happened,” Garmadon began, leaning forward. 

Jay sighed, staring up at the ceiling as he took several deep breaths. What had happened… it was an easy thing to start with. He just had to say it. “I got into a fight,” he blurted, taking another deep breath and gripping the ball in both hands. “With Cole and Kai.” 

Garmadon nodded, “Okay, was it a big one?” 

He shook his head, “No, no it was just…” he faltered, his hands aching from how tightly he was gripping the ball. “It was my fault, because I can’t… I can’t keep my mouth shut.” 

Garmadon sat still and attentive, allowing for an appropriate pause in case Jay was going to continue speaking. 

"I don't know how to butt out!" Jay blurted, squeezing the ball so hard it could pop, "They were talking about this new game we have and I've played so I thought I would tell them about it but I just keep going on and on and they don't care that I've played the game or what the plot is about and how to beat the whole thing! They just wanted to play it by themselves but because I'm such a talkative, self-absorbed know-it-all I just ruined the whole experience for them! Just like I always ruin everything just because I don't know how to stay out of other people's conversations!" 

Garmadon nodded, "Have you-"

"I don't mean it!" Jay continued, "I just get an idea and I have to share it and when I get going I can't stop." He frowned, smacking himself in the forehead, "And I did it again!" He cried, "I'm sorry!" 

Garmadon shook his head, "Thank you for your apology Jay, I understand." He offered Jay a warm smile, "There are some habits and behaviours that are a part of who we are, and it is not wrong or bad to have them." 

It was Jay's turn to shake his head, "It is bad! I always do something wrong and ruin people's conversations and then they get mad and then they hate me and it repeats every single day," he let the ball go, watching as it returned to its original shape on his lap, "Nothing changes, no matter how hard I try, nothing changes…" he trailed off. 

"Is that really so bad?" Garmadon questioned, raising an eyebrow. He smiled as Jay raised his own eyebrow in return. "You are excitable, a little impulsive and full of amazing knowledge you want to share, and it is not a bad thing to want to share it." 

Jay lowered his face, "But… I don't want to be like this, I hate that I always interrupt people," he mumbled. 

"Then we'll work on some strategies to help you with interrupting," Garmadon replied, "We will find something that works for you." He leaned forward, reaching across the space and placing a hand on Jay's knees. "But no matter how many times you may interrupt people, everyone here will always care about you." 

"Heh, even though I'm really annoying?" Jay asked, giving Garmadon a weak smile. 

Garmadon smiled back, "Even when you're really annoying." He chuckled at Jay's frown, leaning back in his chair, "Not that you are." 

Jay smiled, "It's okay, I can admit I'm annoying," he replied, "But… maybe you're right too," he added, his voice going quiet. 

"Of course I am," he said, "I'm always right after all." Garmadon winked, glad when Jay grinned back. "Now, would you like to talk about some strategies now, or at our next session?" 

Jay glanced towards the door, "I… I think our next session," he answered, avoiding Garmadon's gaze, "I should talk to Kai and Cole." 

Garmadon stood, encouraging Jay to do the same, "That sounds like a great idea," he opened the door, "I will see you around." 


	4. I Hate Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: self-hatred and worthlessness

"I hate myself." Lloyd said, his voice quiet. He didn't dare look up from his lap as he uttered the words, his hands shaking so badly as he feared the reaction. "Every day I wake up and I don't want to move, I don't want to get up and face the day." He took in a shaky breath, tears sliding down his cheeks. "I never know what I want to do with my day so I waste it, sitting in my room and pretending I'm alright when I'm not," he wiped his face, "I don't want this responsibility, I don't want people looking to me and expecting me to know what to do." His shoulders shook as he struggled to keep himself under control. "Every day I feel like a failure because I can't be what everyone expects me to be. I can't be the grown up they all see. The wise leader they want me to be. The powerful saviour they expect me to be," he bit his lip, "I just… can't." 

"Lloyd, I am so, so proud of you right now," Garmadon began, offering a warm smile when Lloyd looked up at him, "I am so proud of your strength in being honest and open. You are one of the bravest people I have ever met and I cannot imagine the pressure that comes with being the Green Ninja."

Lloyd shook his head, "I'm not brave," he replied, staring down at his shaky hands, "Everything I've done, it's because I had to not because I wanted to. I never wanted to save anyone, I just… I just want to leave it all behind," he wiped his face again, frowning at himself. "I'm a coward and I hate it." 

Garmadon sighed, keeping his expression neutral. He had so much love for Lloyd, after watching him grow for so long he knew how courageous and strong he was. But he also knew how hard it was to see that strength in yourself and how much it hurt when people pushed you when you weren't ready. "There is no shame in not wanting to be a hero," he said, his hands resting still in his lap, "You were a child, told you would need to save the world and it is natural to want to turn away from it all," he paused, studying Lloyd, "There are expectations placed on you that should never have been there and it is only natural to want to turn away from them. It is not weakness to want to be free of this responsibility." 

"Everyone expects me to be happy," Lloyd whispered, staring down at his lap. He could picture their faces now, the faces of his brothers and sister, his uncle and mother, all of them smiling. They'd give anything for him, just so he could be happy and yet here he was, unable to stop himself from crying as all he feels is hatred of himself, oppressed by the expectations they've placed. "They expect me to lead and know what I want but I… I really don't know." 

"You don't know what you want, or you don't know how to tell them?"

Lloyd looked up in surprise, his face twisted into a confused frown. "I… don't understand," he mumbled, an embarrassed blush spreading across his cheeks. 

"Well, it sounds like you know what you want," Garmadon replied softly, "Or rather what you don't want," he leaned forward, "There is nothing wrong with stopping." 

"It's selfish!" Lloyd shouted, jumping to his feet, "It's selfish to want to step back and let other people handle things! All I want is for someone to take over and be in charge and it is stupid and selfish of me to think it will ever be possible!" He huffed, hot tears pricking his eyes, "All I've ever wanted is to be accepted and have a family but destiny decided that I can't even get that, because I am worthless on my own! Worthless and selfish to believe that I could ever step down and stop being a ninja!" He wiped his face with the back of his hand, "And I hate myself for it!" He continued, barely missing a beat, "I hate myself for being so selfish, for being so stupid!" His voice softened, his posture slumping as his anger lost its steam, "I hate myself, I hate my life and I… I can't just be selfish, just because I hate myself doesn't mean I should let everyone down." 

Garmadon, at first surprised by the sudden outburst, softened, "Lloyd, you are one of the most selfless people I have ever met," he began, keeping his tone calm and soft, "Destiny has been cruel to you, forced you into things you never wanted and you kept going regardless of your own desires. That is not selfishness, it is selflessness." 

"But I still want to quit!" Lloyd argued, he tried to sound angry but he had lost the energy to be angry. "It's selfish of me to want to quit." 

"That is where you are wrong," Garmadon replied, "Wanting something and acting on those wants are two completely different things. Your desire to quit doesn't make you selfish, because despite those feelings you continued to be a brave, strong ninja." He continued, offering Lloyd a warm smile, "You are also wrong about something else, you are not worthless. If you weren't the green ninja, if you hadn't been prophesied to bring about peace, you wouldn't be any less loved or cared for." 

Lloyd averted his gaze, quietly sinking back into his chair. He wrapped his arms around himself, pondering Garmadon's words. As much as he wanted to believe it was true, he couldn't stop the voice that whispered in the back of his mind. The thoughts that told him he was nothing, worthless of anyone's time or love. The thoughts that reminded him that the love he thought he had was just a lie, a facade because they had no choice. They had to show him love and kindness so he wouldn't turn on them, so he would follow his destiny and do what he was told. It wasn't real love. He wasn't worth it. All he wanted was to quit, because he was worthless. 

"Lloyd, what are you thinking?" Garmadon asked, his quiet but commanding tone breaking through the endless stream of negativity swirling in Lloyd's mind. 

"I am worthless," Lloyd whispered, "No one loves me for me." 

"Oh Lloyd, I am sorry if I or anyone has ever made you think that's true," Garmadon replied, his voice so full of warmth and love it almost made Lloyd believe it was true. "Whatever your thoughts are telling you, whatever whispers you hear in the back of your mind, they don't stem from the truth. They are anxieties, whispers born from stress and fear that feed on our uncertainty and spread lies." 

Lloyd kept his head down, but his eyes glanced up at Garmadon, studying him from beneath his bangs. It made sense, that these whispers were lies, but they were so loud and so constant, he'd heard them so many times they had to be true. 

"Think back with me, Lloyd," Garmadon continued, "Back to before anyone knew you were the Green Ninja, do you remember much about that time?" 

"Darkley's was awful." Lloyd blurted, repeating the mantra in his mind in a weak effort to banish the memories flashing like a horror movie. 

"And after Darkley's?" Garmadon continued, deciding that  _ that  _ particular time in Lloyd's life could wait for another day, "You spent time alone, but then you joined Wu, right?" 

Lloyd nodded slowly, "Yeah, Wu brought me home and the first thing he did was… read me a bedtime story." Out of all his memories in that short time between joining his uncle and being announced as the green ninja, it was the one that stuck out to him the most. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he'd never seen any affection from his uncle before that moment or because of the soft, tender way his uncle had read the story, the effort he'd put into changing his voice for the characters, the gentle way he'd tucked him into bed. "It was… nice." 

Garmadon smiled, encouraging Lloyd to continue, "What else do you remember?" 

Lloyd couldn't help but smile too, "Well, I was a real brat and the ninja definitely didn't like me." 

"I suppose you didn't help matters, did you?" Garmadon added with a smirk. 

He laughed, "No, no I don't think so," he let out a long breath, thinking back on those first few days where he'd pranked the ninja. Although some had been at his uncle's behest, many were his own ideas and none of the ninja had been too fond of him. But… but over time things had changed and only now, thinking back, did he really notice that he'd changed at all. Zane had been the first to show him kindness and although his younger self had believed any kindness was done at his uncle's orders, he knew now that it was just how Zane was, how they all were. Small things here and there, little lessons and moments that had created a bond between him and the ninja. 

He glanced up at Garmadon, who was waiting patiently for Lloyd to continue, allowing him all the time he needed to gather his thoughts. Garmadon, his father, who despite having evil flowing through his veins, driving him to do evil things, had put aside all that darkness for him. Because he loved him. Although the volcano was where he'd almost died, he couldn't help the warm happiness that spread throughout his heart when he remembered his time there, the love he'd felt when his father had come to rescue him. 

"They… brought me into their family," Lloyd finally said, "And they were kind to me, after a while." He sighed, pressing his knuckles into his forehead. "I feel so stupid, that I hate myself so much when there are people out there who care about me. Why can't I love myself like they do? Why don't I believe it's true?" 

He felt a gentle squeeze on his knee and looked up to see the warm smile of Garmadon staring back at him. "Lloyd, loving yourself is no easy task, in fact it can often be one of the hardest things we ever have to do." He released Lloyd's knee and settled back into his chair, "Unlike dastardly villains, we cannot fight ourselves and our inner demons are often free to do as they please in our minds," he leaned forward a touch, his expression turning serious, "That does not mean we are weak, it doesn't mean we are worthless." 

"I don't know what to do," Lloyd replied weakly, so desperate for hope, "I don't know how to stop it." 

"You rely on those around you," Garmadon answered, "Loving yourself is not something you can force, it won't happen like the flip of a switch," he expression softened, "It is something that takes work and effort, every day reminders. There are going to be days where it's okay and then there are going to be days where you are not but somewhere in the future, you are going to have more good days than bad and no matter how long it takes you to get there, you won't ever have to face it alone." 

Lloyd sniffed, "I just want it to stop." 

"It's not going to happen overnight," Garmadon sighed, leaning forward to squeeze Lloyd's hand in comfort, "But I, and anyone else you want to lean on, are going to be here to help you for however long you need us to." 

He gave Lloyd's hand another squeeze before leaning back in his chair. "I have a challenge for you, Lloyd, if you are willing?" 

Lloyd bit his lip, then nodded. 

"I want you to start a journal, and in it I want you to write at least one of your favourite things from that day. Three would be the perfect number but you can go as high as twenty or as low as one, I don't mind," Garmadon explained, "Your favourite things do not need to be big, important things either, they can be as small as catching the sunrise, spotting a nice looking cloud or seeing someone smile," he added, hands folded neatly in his lap, "What do you think?" 

"I-I'll try," Lloyd murmured, hands fidgeting in his own lap, "Can, uh, can I borrow a journal?" 

Garmadon chuckled, standing, "Of course you can," he replied, already walking over to his desk to find a blank notebook he could spare. He turned back to face Lloyd, crouching in front of him so they were at eye level, "And there's one more thing I want you to do," he added, passing the notebook over. 

"What is it?" Lloyd asked, accepting the book. 

"Whenever the thoughts in your head get too strong, go to someone," Garmadon placed a hand on Lloyd's shoulder, "You don't need to tell them what you're thinking or what you're feeling, but seek comfort in their presence, do something fun and remember that they love you, no matter who you are or what you choose to be." 

Lloyd paused, staring down at the notebook in his lap. He didn't want to have to burden others with his problems, to rely on other people to lift himself up. But he also didn't want to keep feeling this way, to keep feeling so burdened by responsibilities and a hatred of himself he couldn't seem to shake. If Garmadon wanted him to write in a journal and hang out with someone, well, it couldn't hurt to try. And he wanted to try. 

"I promise." 

"Permission to hug you Lloyd?" Garmadon asked, a small grin on his face. 

Lloyd mirrored his smile, "I suppose," he replied dismissively, though as he wrapped his arms around Garmadon he couldn't help but squeeze, relishing in the warmth he radiated. "Thank you," he whispered in Garmadon's ear, "I love you." 

"I love you too," Garmadon whispered back.


	5. Worthless (part 1 of 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts and idealisation  
> Spoilers for Season 3

Kai sat on the edge of the chair, his back straight and one leg bouncing up and down. His eyes shifted between the door and Garmadon, who sat opposite him, mirroring his position. 

“I don’t need to be here.” Kai stated, scowling at Garmadon. “I can take care of myself.” 

Garmadon sighed, “Kai, you have spent the past two weeks following Lloyd around like a shadow, I can tell from your face you haven’t slept properly for a long time and just yesterday you tried to get Wu to send you all off on a training exercise for a few days, conveniently right before we scheduled to meet.” He sat back in his chair, resting his arms on his lap, “We all want to help you, and if it’s not me than we can get someone else-”

“Just shut up!” Kai snapped, jumping to his feet. “I don’t need any damn help! And seeing someone else won’t make a difference!” 

“Why don’t you need help?” Garmadon asked, keeping his voice soft. 

Kai groaned, throwing his arms down, “Because I’m fine! Okay? This is all normal and it’s fine!” 

Garmadon raised an eyebrow, “Normal?” 

“Yes!” Kai shouted, “This is all normal! I’ve never slept that long! I’ve always been this way, so it’s just fine!” 

“For how long?” Garmadon asked, relieved that he was finally getting somewhere. 

Kai stopped, staring at Garmadon as he thought back. How long had it been, since he’d felt like this? How long had it been since he’d slept through a whole night? “Since…” he sat back down on his chair, “Since my parents left.” 

He looked up, catching Garmadon’s sympathetic expression, and frowned. “Look, I know they didn’t mean to leave okay? They loved us and something bad must’ve happened but they were gone. It was just me and Nya and I grew up. I took care of Nya, I took care of our shop, I took care of myself and I did a good job!” He paused, staring down at his hands, “I mean, sure she was taken for a while… but I got her back!” He back up at Garmadon. “And I kept taking care of myself, training hard, protecting my friends, protecting Lloyd, I did all of it and I’m still fine!” 

“How do you take care of yourself?” Garmadon asked, his expression neutral. 

“I…” Kai paused, thinking. How did he take care of himself? “I train hard every day, I help Nya with her projects and Zane with his cooking and Cole with his art and Jay with his inventions, I help Lloyd sleep at night, I make sure that everyone is okay, that everyone is fine.” 

“Kai, what have you done for yourself recently?” 

“What?” 

Garmadon sighed, “You’ve told me that you help the others with their projects and hobbies, you’ve said that you train hard every day, but what do you do for yourself?” He picked up his paper and pen, “Do you have any hobbies, any activities that you like to do, just for you?” 

Kai frowned, clearly confused. “I train of course.” 

Garmadon shook his head, “No, Kai, training is not a hobby, it is not a fun activity you do for yourself. What do you do, for you?” 

“I… I…” Kai faltered, unsure of what to say. Wasn’t training enough? It made him stronger, it made him faster. Wasn’t helping others good enough? Wasn’t he… good enough? 

“Kai,” Garmadon said, breaking through Kai’s thoughts, “It is admirable how much work you put into helping others, how much commitment you have for your training, it shows how selfless you are, how good you are,” he paused, leaning forwards in his chair, “But it is important you put time aside for yourself, to something that you want to do, not something you have to do.” 

Kai looked away, “There is nothing I want to do,” he mumbled, “I shouldn’t be spending my time on myself anyway, not when the others need me.” 

“What makes you say that?” Garmadon asked, “In all the time you’ve been here, is there never anything you’ve done for yourself?” 

Kai stared at his hands, clenching and relaxing his fists, trying to find some meaning in his swirling thoughts. He didn’t understand why Garmadon was so insistent on him doing something for him, that was selfish, to think of himself like that. It was selfish to do something for himself when he could be helping someone else, when he could be training to make himself better, so he could protect others. “I can’t just do things for myself okay?” Kai snapped, “I would give my life for this team if it meant they’d be safe! And I won’t stop training or helping them just to do something for myself because I am not selfish!”

“Kai… you don’t need to die for everyone to be okay,” Garmadon replied, hoping to calm him. 

“Zane did,” Kai snapped, digging his fingers into his thigh. “Zane faced the Overlord all alone and blew up while I just stood there and did nothing!” He squeezed his leg harder, trying to distract himself from the memory, “He died because I couldn’t protect him!” 

“Zane died because he was protecting you,” Garmadon said gently.

“Well it was stupid of him!” Kai snapped, up on his feet again, “I’m supposed to protect him, I’m supposed to protect everyone! I’m supposed to d–” he cut himself off, hot tears pricking his eyes. He deflated, sinking back into his chair. As often as he’d thought it, he’d never verbalised the thought before, never given it a name. “I want to leave,” Kai said, shaking his head and standing, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” 

“I’m sorry Kai, but no,” Garmadon said, standing too and walking over to Kai, “You don’t need to sit, but we need to talk.” 

He shook his head, “No, I don’t want to,” he muttered, blinking back the tears that were trying to fall, “It’s not important and I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Your thoughts are always important Kai, because they are yours.” Garmadon replied, “They may not be pleasant, they may scare you to talk about, but they are important and they matter.” 

“No, they don’t!” Kai argued, wiping his face with his arms, frustrated at the tears falling down his face. “They don’t matter!” 

Garmadon placed a hand on Kai’s shoulder, “They matter just as you do, and I will do everything I am able to help you sort through them.” 

Kai looked up at Garmadon, studying his expression, wanting so desperately to say yes but still uncertain. 

“I promise you Kai, you are not alone.” 

“I- I…” Kai faltered, “I’m scared,” he finally said, his voice barely audible. 

Garmadon stepped closer and wrapped Kai in a comforting hug. “You’re allowed to be scared Kai, I am going to be here every step of the way.” He released Kai from the hug, keeping his hands on Kai’s shoulders, “We can do this, you can do this, okay?” 

Kai nodded. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> continued in next chapter


	6. Worthy (part 2 of 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts and idealisation

Garmadon guided Kai back into his seat, sitting on the table in order to be closer to him. "There are some things we need to discuss, some things that need to happen," he began, holding Kai's hands gently in his own, "You won't like it, but we are going to do our best to make sure you are safe, okay?"

Kai kept his gaze down in his lap, his ears flushed from embarrassment and shame. He was the master of fire, one of the protectors of Ninjago, a highly trained ninja, he should be better than this. He shouldn't be feeling like this, he should be able to handle it, like he could handle an army of goons. 

"Kai," Garmadon's soft voice did little to stop his thoughts, but it did offer a distraction. "There is nothing to be ashamed of."

He looked up, surprised at Garmadon's words. "I'm a powerful ninja," he muttered, turning his gaze away, "I should be able to handle this." 

"There is no shame in feeling this way," Garmadon replied, "It is not weakness to feel negative thoughts, nor is it weakness to struggle with them." 

"I feel so ashamed," Kai mumbled, playing with the edge of his shirt, "Life is amazing, it's supposed to be something we want to live but for so long… I… haven't wanted to live it," he grew quiet, glancing at Garmadon for some kind of confirmation that it was okay. 

Garmadon gave Kai a small nod, encouraging him to continue. 

"I should be grateful to have survived all that I have," he continued, feeling braver thanks to Garmadon's encouragement. "Fighting for Nya, for Lloyd, for all of the team, but…" he paused, taking a few steadying breaths, "But never for myself." His hands curled into fists around his shirt, "Every time we have a close call, I've imagined it being a little closer. Almost… almost wishing it to be a little closer." He wiped his eyes, trying to stop the tears before they fell, "But then I remember Nya and Lloyd and I think how selfish I am to want to leave them, to want to leave life." 

"Kai, you are far from selfish," Garmadon replied, leaning forward again and reaching across to place his hand on his knee. "You have been dealing with these feelings alone for so long, and you have done so well to keep going despite everything," he squeezed Kai's knee in comfort, "But you don't have to face it alone anymore." 

"What's going to happen now?" Kai asked, his voice small. 

Garmadon sat back up in his chair, smiling kindly at Kai. "I am going to ask you a few questions, and then we are going to work on a plan," his smile dropped ever so slightly, "When you express wanting to harm yourself, I am required to tell someone," he held up his hand when Kai's face fell, his eyes going wide in fear, "Hold on Kai, it's alright, I am not going to tell anyone yet, that will come with your plan," he smiled when Kai relaxed, though the fear was still plain in his eyes, "For now, I want you to answer some questions for me as honestly as you can, okay?" 

Kai nodded, biting his lip, "O-okay," he mumbled, keeping his head down. His heart raced, his chest so tight it felt like it might explode. Hearing that he would have to tell someone else, someone other than Garmadon, it terrified him. He couldn't let his sister know, he'd protected her for so long… nor could he tell his brothers. What would they think if they knew? Then there was Wu… how could he even imagine telling his sensei that he… he… 

"Kai?" Garmadon broke through his thoughts, his voice edged on concern. "I will not tell anyone without your consent Kai, especially not family," he reaffirmed, "Are you ready to continue?" 

"I can't tell anyone," Kai said, unaware of Garmadon's question. "I… they can't know that… that…" his voice shook as he struggled to vocalise the feeling tearing him apart, "That I wanted- that I…" 

Garmadon stood and grabbed his desk chair, wheeling it over to Kai and lowering it so he was level with Kai. Now right next to him, he placed his hand over Kai's, "I won't tell your family Kai," Garmadon repeated, squeezing Kai's hand, "Let's focus on you first," he said, "These questions are going to be difficult, and I am going to be right here to help you answer the whole time, but I have to ask them," he continued, "Are you ready?" 

Kai took a deep breath, focusing on Garmadon sitting right next to him, his larger hand over his own. It steadied him. Garmadon believed in him, believed that he could do this. "Yes." He replied, with more determination than he had all day. 

Garmadon squeezed his hand, "Okay. Have you wanted to harm yourself in the past month?" 

Kai took one shaky breath after another, counting his breaths. He felt Garmadon squeeze his hand again and he squeezed back, comforted by the contact. "Yes," he whispered, nodding at the same time. 

"Do you have a plan?" 

He bit his lip, focusing hard to try and get through his twisted thoughts. Did he have a plan? He could feel his heart starting to race again, that hand inside his chest curling over his heart, squeezing what little control he had left. "N-no," he stammered, despite his anxiety he was certain it was the truth. "B-but…" he had ideas didn't he? He had… "I-"

Garmadon squeezed his hand again, his thumb rubbing circles onto the back of Kai's hand. "Do you have access to things that can harm you?" He asked, his voice remaining soft and calm. 

Kai nodded, his breath hitching as his chest tightened more, memories flashing across his thoughts of the times he came so close… so close to doing something he was certain he'd regret. Even after they'd rejoined and he'd finally started feeling better, the feeling never left. The fear stayed with him. "It's-" he sniffed, one hand squeezing Garmadon's as tight as he could while the other was curled into a fist over his chest, as if that could somehow alleviate the internal pain. "Our weapons," he whispered, barely audible. 

"Thank you for being honest Kai," Garmadon replied, keeping his voice low and calm. He gave another slow, comforting squeeze of Kai's hand before continuing. "Our next steps are going to be making a plan that will help you keep yourself safe." He flipped over a page in his book and pulled out a loose sheet of paper. He handed it to Kai, waiting patiently for him to read through it. 

Kai gave Garmadon a quick glance before turning back to the page, staring at the blank plan. He'd never seen something like it before, never imagined that it would even be possible. It seemed so simple, so straight forward laid out the way it was and yet he could feel his hand shaking, the paper crinkling in his grip. 

"Would you like to write in it?" Garmadon asked, noticing Kai's shaking hands, "Or would you prefer I write it?" 

Kai focused on relaxing his grip, letting the paper fall into his lap. Garmadon took the paper back and set it on his knees. 

"Let's start with the first section," Garmadon began, readying himself to take notes. "What are-"

"No," Kai interrupted, shaking his head. He started down into his lap, "I- I don't know any warning signs." 

"I don't know," Kai mumbled, staring down into his lap, "I don't know what warning signs are… I'm just… I don't know," he finished lamely. He struggled to remember, thinking back to when he'd felt at his worst but he couldn't tell what the signs were. He couldn't identify what set the feelings off. There was never anything that really happened, nothing that stood out to him, just an overwhelming wave of feelings he couldn't swim through. "I just feel angry," he continued after a lengthy pause, grateful for Garmadon's patience in him. "I feel hurt and… and I want the feelings to stop." 

Garmadon made a few notes on the paper then returned his focus to Kai. "It's absolutely okay to not know Kai, and I am immensely proud that you've been able to identify feeling angry and hurt," he squeezed Kai's hand, giving him a warm smile when Kai looked up, "It is a great start and something we will continue to work on. Let's move onto the next section." 

"Distractions, right?" Kai asked, giving Garmadon a small smile when he nodded. 

"That's right," he confirmed, "Any kind of distraction that you can do for yourself," Garmadon continued. 

Kai pondered the question. There wasn't much he ever did for himself, aside from training. In the past he'd always just thrown himself into helping others, taking on their problems in order to avoid his own. But he knew that wasn't the best distraction, besides it wasn't something he could do alone. He turned his head away from Garmadon, "Aside from training, I… I don't want to be alone," he explained, surprising himself. "I can't distract myself, by myself, it's… lonely."

"And you don't need to," Garmadon replied, quick to affirm Kai's discovery. He could feel his chest bursting with pride at Kai's progress, letting it show in his smile, "While self distractions can be useful, they do not work for everyone." He made a quick note on the sheet, "However, training is something that can be done alone so, when there is no one around, that is a distraction you can use."

"Yeah," Kai smiled, glad that his response was okay, the worry about having no distractions disappearing like a weight lifting off his chest. He didn't have to distract himself alone. "That's the next section right?" He asked aloud, "Distractions but with people?"

"And places, yes," Garmadon confirmed. "Do you have ideas on people or places who can distract you?"

Kai frowned, thinking deeply about the people around him. Places offered little distraction but his friends, his family, they a way of making him forget, or at least ignore, what was bothering him. "I guess anyone," he finally said, "Anyone who's free at least."

"You don't have any favourites?"

"Well…" he wondered, letting himself wander about his memories. He didn't think he had a favourite person to hang out with but… there were certain things he enjoyed more. "I like cooking with Zane, it takes a lot of focus and Zane's pretty fun," he answered, smiling at his memories, "And Lloyd is great to hang with, oh and anyone playing video games."

Garmadon smiled, making notes as Kai talked, "You kids and your video games," he joked, "Any go-to games?"

"Oh definitely Fist-to-Face," Kai answered, "Honestly any of the fighting games are great, or the multiplayer puzzles. They're both hard and ridiculously fun even though we do end up yelling at each other a lot."

"Is that why you all routinely say you hate each other and dinner before bursting into laughter?"

Kai snorted, "Yeah."

Garmadon shook his head, but he was smiling, "Well so long as you're having fun." His smile fell, "Do you remember the next section?"

"Something about people?" 

He nodded, "Yes, Kai. More specifically, people who you can go to for help."

Kai's eyes widened, "What do you mean?" He couldn't stop his voice from shaking, all his earlier fears being brought back to the surface. He couldn't tell anyone, so how could he possibly go to someone for help?

"Well, it is a person or people you can go to for help when distractions aren't working," Garmadon explained. He reached over and grabbed Kai's hand, holding both tightly, "Breathe with me Kai," he said quietly, "In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four," he continued counting slowly, waiting until he could feel Kai's breathing slow to match his. 

"Sorry," Kai mumbled. 

Garmadon shook his head, releasing Kai's hands, "It's okay to be afraid," he affirmed, "It is scary to ask someone else for help."

"But what if I can't?" Kai blurted, "If- If one of the steps is asking someone for help and I can't do that then- then what's going to happen?" 

Garmadon reached for Kai's hands again. "You are capable of so much more than you think Kai," he began, giving Kai a reassuring squeeze, "I believe in you." He released one hand so he could pick up his pen. "Now, you do not need to be specific, you do not need to say what you are struggling with. However having someone you can trust when you are struggling can be an invaluable, someone who can help when you can't help yourself."

"I… I don't know," Kai replied. "It makes sense but… I just…" 

"You don't need to know right now Kai," Garmadon explained, "I want you to give it some thought and we'll come back to it next time. Sound fair?"

Kai nodded, giving Garmadon a small smile. He couldn't find his words, but he hoped his smile showed just how grateful he felt. Being so open with Garmadon now, he could feel the heaviness that sat in his chest easing with every new revelation and idea. The dark thoughts that always lurked in the back of his mind forced into the light and under control, something he'd never thought he'd ever feel. 

Maybe, just maybe, he could be open with others too and, bit by bit, he could finally heal.

"Ready to move on?"

Kai nodded, "There's just one section left right?"

"Two actually," Garmadon corrected. "The next section is professionals, like myself, you can contact when you are having a bad day."

"So… you?" Kai asked, a little confused. 

Garmadon smiled, "Sometimes people will see more than one professional, so they have multiple people for this section but for you, it's me."

"Do I need to see someone else?" Kai asked, the confusion still clear in his tone. He didn't understand why people would see more than one person. If they did, would that mean he'd need to as well?

Garmadon squeezed Kai's hand, "As a ninja, things are different for you so while others may see other professionals for different things, you are all stuck with me," he smiled at that, glad to see Kai smiling back. 

"Well I could do worse than you," Kai joked, relaxing.

"Aren't you lucky then?" Garmadon replied, smirking. He dropped the smirk, "There's one section left, about how we can change your environment in order to make it safe." 

Kai's face fell, his whole body sinking into the chair. "But our weapons are everywhere," he whispered. He could feel his eyes welling up with tears. They'd come so far, made it through the whole plan but now, on the final step, he felt like they'd hit a wall. There was no way they'd be able to get rid of all their weapons, not to mention all the stuff in the kitchen. 

"Kai, making your environment safe does not mean getting rid of everything that you could use," Garmadon explained, squeezing Kai's hands to draw him out of his thoughts. "What it means is removing the tools you could use from easy access. If that means we have to enforce all of you putting your weapons away in the training room then we will." He paused, letting Kai process his words. "It also means I need you to tell me what you do have easy access to, so we can work on removing them." 

"What if I just put them out of reach when I feel like using them?" Kai wondered aloud. Although he didn't exactly trust himself, he was afraid what might happen if they had to start putting weapons away. Whether his brothers and sister would wonder why and figure out the truth. 

"You could," Garmadon answered, "But please, you know you can be honest, why do you want to do that?" 

He sighed, resigning himself to telling the truth. "I'm afraid of everyone connecting the dots and finding out." 

Garmadon squeezed Kai's hand, "I can assure you of this Kai, if the others get involved in keeping your environment safe, I will make certain that it will have nothing to do with you," he smiled, patting Kai's hand, "There will be no dots to connect." 

"It's just my swords," Kai admitted, "We all keep our weapons in our rooms so they're always there, hanging on the wall." He stared down at his hands, all those times he'd spent sitting on his bed by himself, his sword resting across his legs, how easy it would have been to use it. He shivered, wiping his face with his hands. "I… I don't think I should keep them there." 

He turned to look up at Garmadon, surprised to see the pride plain on his face. "Kai, I am so proud of you for being able to come to that decision. Just being able to recognise what we can do is a huge step because it helps us identify what our next steps are." 

"How are you going to convince us to stop keeping our weapons in our rooms?" Kai asked, fear lacing his tone. 

"I will have a discussion with Wu about insisting you all keep your weapons in the training spaces," Garmadon explained, "I won't explain why, as you know I will never reveal what we talk about and never without your permission, however I will explain the benefits of keeping your quarters more… restful and less about your weapons and fighting. After all, it may come better from him since I do not live with you" He smiled at Kai, "Is that alright?" 

He nodded, staring into his lap, "Yeah, I think that'll work." He bit his lip, glancing at Garmadon from the corner of his eye. "I… I just wanted to say…" he stammered, struggling to find the right words to express himself. 

Garmadon waited patiently, finishing off his final notes as Kai thought over his words. 

"I wanted to say thank you," Kai managed, speaking quickly, "I… I feel so much lighter right now and I don't know if it's going to last or not but I feel like I could actually handle it and- and even if I can't I know that you're still going to be there and… well… it means a lot so, um, thank you," he finished lamely, taking a deep breath in. 

Garmadon placed a hand on Kai's shoulder. "Thank you Kai, for being so open and honest with me today," he said, "Talking to other people can often lift the burdens you feel inside and I will always be here for you to lean on whenever you need it and for as long as you need me to." 

Kai wiped his face again, though the tears that were falling now were tears of relief. He placed his hand on Garmadon's, closing his eyes and relaxing into the contact. He had someone to talk to, someone he could trust to help him carry the burden that weighed him down inside. 

He wasn't alone.

And he never would be again. 


	7. I Wanted To Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: suicidal idealisation and worthlessness

Garmadon leaned back in his chair, mirroring Cole's relaxed pose. He leaned forward slightly, opening his mouth to speak but was caught off guard by Cole shaking his head. Leaning back, he gestured for Cole to speak. 

"There's something I need to admit," Cole began, looking pointedly at his hands, away from Garmadon. "Kai opened up to me, a little, and mentioned how much talking to you helped him," he continued, playing with the material of his pants, "And… I guess maybe you could help me to." 

Garmadon straightened in his chair, leaning forward to show his focus, "Of course Cole, it is what I am here for." 

Cole nodded. "Alright then, here it goes," he replied, sitting up in his own chair. "My mum loved mountain climbing, but that wasn't why I did it," he continued, his hands curled into fists as he pressed them into his legs. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to admit. "I wanted to fall." 

Garmadon leaned forward, hands still folded neatly in his lap. His expression betrayed the concern he was feeling but he waited for Cole to signal he was finished speaking before talking. "Has it always been that way when you climb?" He finally asked.

Cole shook his head, "No, it wasn't until after she died," he explained, staring down at his own hands. "My dad wanted me to be a dancer like he was, the school expected me to be as successful and fantastic as my dad and I wanted a way out. I thought…" He sighed, frowning as he struggled to explain himself. He looked up to see Garmadon's concerned expression and shook his head again, "I could never take my own life, I couldn't do that to my father or to my friends," he added, rushing through the words, "But… if an accident were to happen then I'd have an excuse to just stop, to take a break from everything I had to do. If I just slipped… then I wouldn't have had to keep going to school, I wouldn't have had to keep pretending, I wouldn't have had to lead." 

"Lead? Do you mean the ninja team?" Garmadon questioned, hiding his rising concern with a neutral tone. 

Cole sunk further into his chair, wanting it to swallow him whole, to get him out of this conversation. He gave a resigned sigh and nodded, there was no getting out of this now. "Wu found me first, offering me a place at the Monastery but before he brought the others in, he told me I'd have to look out for them, help them train and lead them," he explained, fists now tapping against his legs, as if the movement could ease the pain building up inside of him, "I was fine at first, I thought the responsibility was great. It was a chance for me to prove myself even more, get to do things I actually enjoyed instead of being forced into a career I didn't want. But…" he sighed again, wincing as the weight on his chest grew, the pain a constant nagging in the forefront of his mind. "But I soon realised that it's not what I wanted, it's not what any of us wanted. No one listened to me, no one really cared that I was trying to lead them and I started to hate it but I couldn't just stop." 

"Is this something you still feel?"

Cole nodded, leaning forward and hunching over. "I… every time we have a battle or- or I have to take charge a small part of me hopes that something might happen so that I'd have an excuse not to keep going," he explained, his voice sounding muffled, "Am I a terrible person?"

"No, Cole, you are not a terrible person," Garmadon answered, "You have a lot of responsibilities, and have for longer than you should, and it is never easy to deal with them, especially not alone." He leaned forward, reaching out a hand to place on Cole's knee. "Have you ever shared these thoughts with anyone else?" 

He shrugged, lifting his head from his hands, "I tried once, to talk about how I wasn't a big fan of leading but… no one really took me seriously." He leaned back. "It doesn't really matter anyway."

"Why not?"

Cole shrugged again, trying to pass off his rising fear as though he didn't care. "It's been this way for so long, it's not like it'll ever really change."

"Cole, what you are feeling is not normal and you do not have to be okay with it." Garmadon leaned forward, shuffling slightly in his chair. "Coming here, talking about these feelings, it shows me you do want change and I am going to help you with that change." 

Cole shifted in his seat, his discomfort painfully obvious. "I really don't see the point," he explained, uncertainty clouding his tone, "I mean, it's only me."

"That's exactly why it does matter," Garmadon replied, reaching forward and placing a hand on Cole's knee. "You are important and these feelings are not something anyone should have to live with."

"It would be easier if I wasn't here," Cole mumbled, turning his body away from Garmadon, who released his knee. 

"If I am making you uncomfortable Cole, you can see someone else, I won't be offended."

"No… I mean…" he paused, counting his breaths, "I meant alive." He dropped his head into his hands, overcome with guilt. It hurt him to think that things would be better without him, as true as he believed it, because there was nothing he could do about it now. He bit his lip, "I just… I don't want to be here anymore," he concluded with a resigned sigh. 

Garmadon shifted again in his chair, the movement drawing Cole's gaze to him. His expression was serious, his back straight and arms on the side of the chair. "What stops you from following through?" He asked, his voice serious but soft. 

"Everyone else I guess," Cole replied, picking at his pants. "Every time we've been fighting or on the Bounty and I… want to let my guard down, I don't because it wouldn't be fair to everyone else," he glanced up at Garmadon, "It would hurt them if I was badly injured in a fight, or if I fell off the Bounty, and I couldn't put them through that." Cole shrugged, slouching even further into the chair, "I just wish I didn't exist, then there'd be no one to hurt."

"And what would they think?" Garmadon asked, "Your father, your friends, Wu, what would they say?"

"Well dad is my dad," Cole answered, shifting his gaze from Garmadon to around the room as he spoke, "He loves me because he has to, it's what dads do, well most dads anyway." He caught Garmadon's disagreeing expression and rushed to continue, "I know that it's not true, that he does love me because he wants to love me but it never would have happened if he wasn't my dad."

"And that makes it not real?" 

"I just… don't believe anyone could love me."

"I know six very enthusiastic people who would jump at the chance to prove you wrong."

Cole shrugged, "I get it, they're my friends, and sensei, but if we weren't forced together it wouldn't have happened, they never would have given me a chance," he explained, brushing off their affection. In his heart, he knew he was being ridiculous, thinking that they didn't really care but his mind, it nagged at him, plaguing him with doubt. "And I love them too, it's why I don't want to bother them, to hurt any of their feelings by doing something drastic." He sighed. "It's not fair to them."

"It's not fair to you either Cole, to put aside your feelings and pretend they're not there," Garmadon replied. "You mentioned the Bounty, do you not feel safe there?"

Cole bit his lip, the real meaning behind his words almost sending him into a panic. But he'd gotten good at hiding his panic. "It's my home, where I live, of course I feel safe."

Garmadon shook his head, "No, Cole, I mean do you feel safe from yourself, when the Bounty is airborne?"

Cole took a deep, steadying breath but it came out shakier than he wanted. His hands gripped his pants, fingers curling into fists to try and stop himself from shaking but he knew that trying to hide his fear it didn't matter. Garmadon knew. He knew exactly what Cole had meant, and Cole wasn't quite sure whether he felt it was a good or bad thing. "... No."

Garmadon studied Cole, quickly going over all that he'd learned in his head and trying to come to a solution. His heart went out to Cole, who was avoiding his gaze, and he would do everything he could to help. 

"You say you feel overwhelmed with your duties as a ninja," he began, "And that you're uncertain about whether you want to keep going?"

Cole nodded, still keeping his gaze on his lap. He tried to listen to Garmadon, at least a little, as he tried to figure out what was going to happen next, his fears sending him down wildly inaccurate possibilities that felt all too real and all too terrifying. 

"Then might you consider taking a break?" Garmadon asked, "When was the last time you truly stopped and left all your responsibilities behind?" He paused, giving Cole enough time to think and speak up if he wanted to. After a short silence, he continued, "I would like to invite you to stay in my Monastery for a few weeks at least, where you will have nothing to do but help me with some chores and some reflections without the pressures of expectations or judgement."

"Then everyone would know," Cole mumbled, trying to find any excuse he could to refuse. Although the idea appealed to him, the idea of just being able to stop and have a real break was almost too good to be true terrified him. "They'd figure out something was up."

"Just for a moment, I would like you to put aside the others for a moment," Garmadon replied, "Is this something you want to do? If it is, I will make sure that no one knows the reason."

Cole steeled himself up to answer, sitting up in his chair and looking Garmadon right in the eye. "Yes," he replied, his voice confident, "It is."

Garmadon smiled, "Then that's exactly what we're going to do." He leaned forward again, offering a hand to Cole, his smile growing wider when it was accepted. "You deserve this break and together we are going to help you figure out what you want to do, what you need to do, for you," he squeezed Cole's hand, "Whether it's going back to the ninja, or your dad, or somewhere entirely new, I will have your back. I promise."

Cole used his free hand to wipe his face, trying and failing to hide the tears sliding down his cheeks. Though, he could tell they were not tears of sadness, but rather of relief. He could finally have the break he so desperately wanted without hurting anyone. "Kai was right, I really do feel better." 

Garmadon chuckled, "It's why I'm here." 

He stood, guiding Cole to stand with him. "Since we're at my Monastery, would you like to pick a room now?"

"I really would," Cole replied, letting Garmadon lead him from the room. And he meant it too.


	8. I... Died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, ptsd  
> Spoilers for Season 6, Season 3, Season 10

Nya pulled at the strands of her hair, looping them around her fingers. "Jay said he told you about Skybound," she began, eyes flitting between her lap and Garmadon. "Did… did he say what happened to me?" 

Garmadon frowned, "Nya, you know I can't tell you what I talk about in others' sessions," he explained. 

"I know, I know," Nya replied quickly, pulling at her hair, "That's not what I'm asking, I just… I just want to know how much you know," she spoke quickly, unsure how to get her point across. "There's… just… what do you know about Skybound?" 

Garmadon sighed, studying Nya. He didn't want to pressure her, but there was clearly something she wanted to tell him about. "Alright," he replied, as it was an event Nya and Jay shared, the details were no secret. "Jay told me about the djinn, how all but the two of you were trapped by him. He also explained how the djinn kidnapped you to be his wife." 

"Is that all?" Nya asked, her hands drifting to the hem of her shirt. 

"I believe you were also possessed? But Jay saved everyone by wishing it undone," he finished, sitting up straight in his chair. "He also informed me that you remembered it all, but no one else does." 

Nya sighed, though whether it was from relief or fear she couldn't tell. Jay had left out one crucial detail of their adventure and while she was grateful he had left the secret for her to tell, she wasn't sure if it was one she could bring herself to say. She looked back up at Garmadon, his expression filled with warmth and encouragement. With a steadying breath, she readied herself. If there was anyone who she could trust, it was him. 

"I… died." 

Nya paused, watching Garmadon from the corner of her eye as she stared into her lap. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, whether she wanted Garmadon to say something or not. She wasn't really sure she knew what to say next. 

"The djinn, Nadakhan, the only way to defeat him was to shoot him with poison and…" she faltered, her chest growing tight as she remembered the grip the ghost had on her body. "And when I was being possessed, I stayed near him and…" she took a shaky breath, "and the poison hit me too." Nya reached up to her face, surprised to find her cheek wet, unaware of the tears sliding down her face. "It… it was like the poison was burning through my skin, setting my entire body on fire. There was Jay's face and… and then there was nothing." She covered her face with her hands, taking a moment to catch her breath as her entire body shook in phantom pain. She knew it wasn't real, the poison wasn't there anymore, it couldn't hurt her anymore, but it didn't stop her from shaking. After a few breaths, she lowered her hands. "And then I was standing on the rooftop, I did airjitzu to Jay and it all came flooding back." 

She looked up at Garmadon, her lips quivering as she tried to keep herself from crying. 

"How often do you think about what happened?" Garmadon replied, his eyes soft and expression full of concern. 

"Nearly every day," she whispered, turning her head away. "I– There's so much I can't do anymore because I feel that… that pain." She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I feel like I can't control my own limbs anymore and I panic. But…" she took a deep breath, trying to steady the fear gripping her chest, "But I act like it's okay, get somewhere alone and just… ride it out." 

"Nya–" Garmadon began, but Nya cut him off. 

"Look, I know it's not healthy okay?" She explained, rubbing her arms, "I always tell the boys off for not taking care of themselves or sulking off by themselves, I know what I should do," she sighed, "But if they got worried, they'd ask questions and I have to be there for them, you know? I can't be weak when I need to be strong for them." 

"It is not weakness to ask for help," Garmadon replied, leaning forward and speaking softly, "You have so much love and compassion for your brothers when they need support and you are no different." 

"But I have to be strong," she murmured, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to purge the memories flooding her head. "I have to be strong." 

Garmadon smiled, "No, no you don't." 

Nya snapped her gaze back to Garmadon, the confusion plain her face. She was ready to protest, to explain that of course she needed to be strong. Even when they were kids, she had to be strong, she couldn't let Kai know how hungry she was, or how much she wanted to be like normal kids, not when he was trying so hard. She couldn't be weak when her brothers needed her to be strong, to be the rock for them to return to after their adventures. She studied Garmadon's expression, realising that he had more to say, and closed her mouth, waiting. 

"You are so, so strong Nya, no one would ever deny that," he continued, "But that doesn't mean you can't let others help you." 

She shook her head, still not convinced, "Then they'd know... that I'm weak." 

"And are they weak? For leaning on you for support?"

Nya frowned, not liking where this was going, "Of course they're not." 

"So why would you?" 

"Because I've always been strong, I can't just… let them see." Nya bit her lip, blinking rapidly. She wiped her face, trying to stop the tears starting to spill over her cheeks. "It's not the same." 

"You are right about that, it's not the same," Garmadon replied, offering Nya a tissue which she accepted, "But it can be, because showing weakness is a strength." 

"But–"

Garmadon raised a hand, indicating that he had more to say, "Nya, showing weakness  _ is _ a strength, one of the strongest kinds out there, and you have shown so much strength today by opening up to me about what happened." 

Nya deflated, hunching over, "I don't believe it."

"You don't have to, not right now," Garmadon continued, smiling at Nya when she looked up at him, "But what I want you to do, is to think about how you feel towards your brothers when they show you weakness, and apply some of that compassion to yourself." 

"I– I don't know if I can," Nya murmured, "Not really." 

"You know," Garmadon mused, "You are not the only ninja who has died."

Nya sighed, her head sinking into her chest, "I know, I should be able to handle this like them but-" 

Garmadon gave a soft laugh, "Oh, I'm sorry Nya that's not at all what I meant," he smiled warmly at her confused expression. "What I mean, is that you may find comfort in those who have experienced what you have." 

"Oh." Nya's voice was small. She felt embarrassed having jumped to the wrong conclusion but at the same time, how could she tell her brothers that she'd died? Could she even trust them to keep it a secret? "They'd tell Kai," she said out loud, not looking Garmadon in the eye. 

He raised an eyebrow, "Did Jay?" 

She frowned, "Well, no…" 

"So, if you ask them to, wouldn't they keep it a secret too?" 

"Well…" It made perfect sense, of course it did. A part of her wished Garmadon wasn't so logical, that he'd sit there and agree that she should never tell anyone else. But then she'd never move on, would she? "Why do you have to be so smart?" she grumbled. 

Garmadon laughed, "Sorry," he added, smiling. "I understand the fear of opening up, you have been so strong today and you are more than strong enough to keep going," he leaned forward, hands folded neatly on his knees. "It is hard to show yourself compassion, but you don't have to be alone in that, I am sure your brothers will be full of compassion for you, if you would let them." 

"I… I guess," Nya replied, her uncertainty plain. 

Garmadon frowned slightly, considering the possibilities, "If it helps, I can facilitate the conversation. We can have it here, in my office, and take things as slow as you want to. You can even have it here without me, if that's what you'd prefer." 

"Do you really think it would help?" Nya asked, her voice filled with unspoken doubts. 

"I believe it would help all of you." Garmadon replied, nodding slightly. 

Nya frowned, turning the idea over in her mind. A part of her was terrified, terrified of sharing a secret she'd kept close to her chest for so long. Sure Jay knew, but he didn't truly know how it had affected her and knowing that Zane and Lloyd had died, and so had Cole in albeit a different way than them, it could be just what she needs. "I am terrified Kai would find out," she admitted, twisting her interlocked fingers, "I know I should tell him, at least one day, he deserves to know what happened in that alternate timeline, but…" she trailed off, unsure how to say the words. 

"Kai has always been your protector, and I think we both know how he might react knowing there is a timeline where he failed," Garmadon finished, his expression soft. "The longer you wait, the higher chance he might find out through other means," he leaned forward, "I am not saying you need to tell him now, nor ever," he added quickly, "But this is something he deserves to hear from you and I will be here to support you through that if you need me." 

Nya nodded, "I know, I know, I guess I'm just scared." 

"Many things worth doing are scary," Garmadon added with a warm smile.

"Yeah," Nya agreed, staring down at her hands, "I- I think I'd like to try." 

Garmadon leaned forward and reached across, extending his hand to Nya. She took it, grateful for the physical comfort. 

"Nya, I am so, so proud of you," Garmadon said, squeezing her hand. 

Nya smiled, squeezing back, "Thank you."


	9. I Hit Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Abuse

Kai played with the kinetic spring while he waited for Garmadon to gather his notes. Although he'd never been one for toys, he found the tools useful for his attention, plus it helped distract him from his more… difficult thoughts. 

"So, Kai, how have you been doing recently?" Garmadon began, settling into a comfortable position in his chair. 

Kai shrugged in response, keeping his attention on the spring while he thought over his words. "Well, I've been following the plan," he began carefully, turning over the events of the past couple of weeks in his mind. "It's… well I mean the thoughts are still there but I guess the plan's been working." He paused his fiddling, letting the spring rest in his open hands, "I, uh, I also talked to Zane." 

Garmadon gave him an encouraging nod, sitting back and patiently waiting for Kai to gather his thoughts and continue. 

"I didn't really tell him what I was thinking but… I think he figured it out anyway," Kai continued, resuming fidgeting with the spring. He pushed it up and down his arm as he spoke, "Anyway, he's been helpful when nothing else is really working. He's been teaching me how to cook too, and I've been getting pretty good at it too." He gave Garmadon a shy smile, "I think I'd like to add cooking to my list of distractions, it's… helpful." 

Garmadon made a quick note on his pad and smiled, "Of course, I'm glad you have found something else to enjoy and I am very proud of you for opening up to Zane." 

"Thanks." 

Garmadon frowned, noticing the subtle shift in Kai's tone, the way his smile fell as his head dropped. "Is everything alright?" 

Kai sighed, not at all surprised Garmadon noticed the shift. He stared down at the spring, watching the way the metal coiled and twisted up and down his arm. He could just brush off Garmadon's concern, things were improving slowly and there were always going to happen. It was to be expected. But a part of him knew that was the wrong choice. He had to be honest, be open about what was bothering him. He glanced up at Garmadon, who was watching him with patient eyes and a judgement free expression, this would be the best place for it.

"Nya has been worried for me, a lot," Kai began, fingers tracing each loop of the kinetic spring, "And it's bringing up… memories." 

Garmadon leaned forward slightly, his hands clasped in his lap to show his attention on Kai. He didn't speak, instead he gave Kai a small nod, encouraging him to continue. 

Kai took a deep breath in, keeping his attention on the spring while he ordered his thoughts to speak. "I've been feeling better but… I don't think I deserve it," he glanced up at Garmadon, "I want to, I really want to believe I do but I keep remembering what I did," his voice shook, the memory at the forefront of his mind, "I… I hit my sister."

Garmadon kept his expression neutral, careful not to do anything that might be interpreted as judgement. He had nothing but respect for Kai and his honesty, and made sure to show that. "Kai, one action in your past does not make you a bad person," he replied, his voice soft and affirmative. 

"No, no I'm not," Kai countered, shaking his head, "I hit my sister, my baby sister!" his voice rose, his guilt rising as he spoke, "It was a year after our parents had disappeared, I was trying to put away shopping and she wanted to play and… and I just wanted her to stop nagging me, she wouldn't stop when I asked!" He almost shouted, eyes wide and teary, the memory of the scene etched into his mind in painstakingly clear detail. "So I just… I just hit her!" He paused then, his voice catching a sob and tears now sliding down his cheeks. 

He could still remember the sharp crack that had sounded, the frightened sob Nya had given, the pattering of her feet as she'd run away while he'd stood there in shock. He'd assumed he should be happy, he'd gotten what he wanted, but it felt so wrong. "She hid from me all night," Kai continued, his voice barely above a whisper, "And I didn't even try to find her because I was so scared."

"Kai, this does not make you a bad person," Garmadon replied, leaning forward to punctuate his point. "You are not any less deserving of happiness now because of something you've done in your past." 

Kai shook his head, "No, no you don't understand," he muttered, wiping the tears from his eyes, "I hit my little sister, that's one of the worst things you could ever do!" 

"How many times did it happen?"

"Only once…" Kai shook his head again, "But it never should have happened at all!" He bit his lip, his fists pressing into his thighs. His parents had taught him a long time ago he should never hit, especially not his baby sister. There were other ways, walking away, talking to her, other things he could do but in that moment he'd ignored all of it. The memory made him shudder. "I never should have done it." 

Garmadon's gaze was soft and unreadable, his thoughts hidden behind a gentle smile. "Kai, how old were you, when this happened?" 

"I don't remember," he admitted, turning his gaze away, eyes cast downward, "It was only a few years after our parents disappeared."

"So you were a child?" 

"That's no excuse!" Kai burst out. 

"Kai," Garmadon continued, his tone firm, "You ask so much of yourself, to be the best brother, the best teammate, responsibilities that children should never have to have placed on their shoulders," his tone softened, "Hitting your little sister is wrong, yes, but doing it once as a child doesn't make you a bad person." 

"But–"

Garmadon held up a hand, causing Kai to pause. "A bad person wouldn't be feeling the guilt you feel Kai. A bad person would have done it again and again. You are not a bad person for acting on your emotions in your youth."

Kai opened his mouth and closed it again, no sounds coming out. He wanted to protest, to argue that he was terrible for ever raising a hand against his sister. But as much as he wanted to disagree, he could see the facts. "I don't know," he breathed, letting out a big sigh. 

"Am I a bad person Kai?" 

He looked up, confused. 

His expression must have given him away as Garmadon gave a soft chuckle. "Do you think I am a bad person, after all the things I've done in my past?" 

Kai frowned, his immediate answer was no, staring at Garmadon now it was hard to imagine him as the same Lord who had tormented them for months. Even then, with evil coursing through his veins, Garmadon had done good things. "No," he mumbled, looking back up at Garmadon, afraid of his response. 

"And why not?" Garmadon asked, his tone curious, leaning forward in his chair. 

"Well…" he trailed off, thoughts wandering, "It was the venom, right?" he continued, finishing as a question, his uncertainty clear. 

"And now that it's gone, that makes me a good person?" 

"You've done plenty of good things to make up for it!" Kai argued, "You're helping us here, you've helped us in the past, you teach people new skills," he listed, counting on his fingers.

Garmadon smiled, "And you haven't?"

Kai glared, "That's not fair, I did a terrible thing!" 

Garmadon chuckled, "Kai, despite all that I have done, you see me as a good person, you say it was the venom that caused my actions and while that's true, they were still my actions," he smiled softly, "Your venom Kai, is having the responsibilities of a parent placed on your shoulders when you were just a child." 

Kai sighed. As always, Garmadon had laid out the truth right in front of him. He had been a child, strung out with too many chores and too many jobs to do to handle his little sister begging for attention. "I made a mistake," Kai replied, glancing up to see Garmadon nod, his expression soft, "And… and I feel awful for it, but… I guess I'm not that person anymore." He smiled, glad when Garmadon smiled back, "I don't think I can forgive myself, not yet."

"That's alright Kai," Garmadon replied with a warm smile, "It is hard to forgive ourselves for things in our past and it's not wrong. Talking about it here, today, is a great first step." 

"I know I say it a lot, but thank you," Kai replied, "Really, thank you." 


	10. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: isolation and loneliness  
> Spoilers for Season 6 and Day of the Departed

Cole slouched in his chair, arms folded across his chest and legs splayed apart. He watched Garmadon with a grumpy expression, a slight frown on his face and his dark eyes careful. Despite his best efforts, he'd had no choice but to have this session with Garmadon, otherwise Wu would have forced him to see some other therapist and Cole had no interest in seeing a stranger. He didn't have much interest in seeing Garmadon either, but it was better him than a random citizen. 

"Would you like something to eat Cole?" Garmadon asked, breaking the silence with an innocent question. 

"No."

Garmadon sighed, "Cole, I know you don't want to be here but after everything you've been through, you need to talk about it." 

"Yeah, well I've tried that before and it didn't do me any good at all," Cole replied, his tone angry and low. "So let's just pretend we had a nice chat and let me go." 

Garmadon kept his expression neutral, sitting upright and studying Cole. "You've tried therapy before?" He asked, hoping to keep Cole talking and engaged. 

"Yeah," Cole answered with a dismissive wave of his hand, "My dad put me into therapy after my mum died, thought I needed the support but we just sat there in silence until he finally gave up." He turned his head away, frowning at the memory, "So, like I said, I don't need this." 

Garmadon stroked his chin, "I would be inclined to believe you, if I didn't know what you have been through."

"Well that's where you're wrong," he snapped, tightening his grip on his arms. "I've been dealing with this all fine before you came along and I'll keep dealing with it." 

Everything that they'd been through, that he'd been through, it was all fine. Always fine. Even after losing his mum, he'd been fine. Struggling through that preppy school, meeting the ninja, fighting by their side. Even when he'd turned into a ghost and back to human again, he'd been fine. Sure, he'd struggled at the time but he'd gotten over it, powered through as he always did. He didn't need this, he was fine. 

He was always fine. 

"You know Cole," Garmadon mused, "You don't need to be struggling to get help."

Cole snapped his gaze back to Garmadon, frowning at the statement. "Well luckily for me, I'm not struggling and I don't need to get help, so we can just end this early." 

"Well you have me for the whole hour Cole, so let's talk about how you don't struggle," Garmadon suggested, "I would love to know what strategies you use." 

Cole huffed, studying Garmadon, who was watching him patiently. Try as he might, there was no way out of this one. He could see that determination, hidden behind a serene expression, a spark in his eyes. "I get over it," he finally said, looking away from Garmadon's focused gaze, "I feel sad and then I put it aside because there were more important things to focus on, and I didn't need to dwell on them." 

"So you don't think about your past, the things you've been through, very much at all?" 

"Why should I?" Cole said, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown, "No one else does." 

He froze, slamming his mouth shut. Garmadon's expression was curious now, Cole could almost hear the unspoken question between them. He didn't even know why he'd added that, why would he mention the others. They were his friends, they cared. Right? 

"Cole–" Garmadon began, but Cole was quick to cut him off. 

"No, it's fine," he snapped, speaking fast, "It's all fine." 

Garmadon sighed, "Is it though?" He straightened in his chair, leaning forward slightly, "You don't need to pretend, not here."

Cole clenched his fists, his arms aching under the strength of his grip. He frowned at the blurry of his vision, surprised to find tears welling in his eyes. He stomped his foot, releasing his arms to wipe his face, to stop the tears before they fell. There was nothing to cry about, there was nothing wrong. "I'm not pretending, everything is fine." 

"I don't believe you Cole," Garmadon replied, his voice soft, "Nothing you say will leave this room, it will always remain between us." He leaned forward, hands resting on his knees, "You can be honest here." 

Cole choked back a sob, rubbing his eyes and begging the tears to stop. "There's– there's nothing to be honest about," he muttered, looking back up at Garmadon, taking deep breaths to centre himself. "I've been alone, handling these things for a long time, and I can keep handling them alone." 

Garmadon reached across and placed a gentle hand on Cole's knee. "I understand that desire to want to deal with it yourself, you're so strong and independent, it's easy to know what you need to do and get it done without any help," he explained, "But just because you've done something one way for so long, doesn't mean it's bad to ask for help. It is not weakness to reach out." 

"It doesn't matter," Cole bit out, pushing himself up from his slouch, causing Garmadon to release his knee and sit back. "There's no point to reaching out, no one cares, not really," he sighed, "They have their own problems to deal with anyway."

"They're your friends Cole, no matter what they're dealing with, they are there for you." 

Cole scoffed, "Yeah, sure." He caught sight of Garmadon's confused expression and swore to himself. Once again, he'd said too much. A part of him was secretly glad, maybe now that he'd let this slip he'd finally be able to talk about it. The rest of him though… he hoped that Garmadon would just let it go and move on. It would be the easier option. 

"What makes you say that?" Garmadon asked, hands back to resting in his lap. 

He sighed, "I'm just the backup friend, the last one everyone turns to," Cole explained, feeling his energy leech from his body the more he talked, "They never really valued me for me, I was so easily forgotten, all the time," he paused, taking in a deep breath, "But it's okay, because I'm over it." 

"You don't have to be okay with it."

Cole looked to Garmadon, confusion plain across his features. 

"It's natural to want close friendship, to be the first on someone's thoughts and it hurts when we're not," Garmadon explained, "It hurts, and that's okay." He leaned forward, placing his hand on Cole's knee and giving it a gentle squeeze, "It's okay to be unhappy with your friends."

Cole grabbed Garmadon's hand, staring at it before looking back up to Garmadon. He didn't want to admit it on his own, that he was allowed to be upset with the people he considered his family, but it was the truth. "I don't know what to do about it," he admitted, turning his gaze away, "I don't want to feel so alone anymore." 

"We talk about it," Garmadon explained, his smile warm, "And we work through it, not around it."

"I don't know if I can," he muttered, pulling his hand away. 

"It's alright Cole," Garmadon said, "You won't have to be alone, not this time." 

Cole turned back to Garmadon, mirroring the warm smile on his face. Garmadon was right, he wasn't alone. Not anymore. 


	11. Scrap 'N Tap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: abuse and panic attack  
> Spoilers for Season 6

The room was quiet aside from the whirring fan above them and the bouncing of Jay’s leg. Garmadon sat across from him, sipping tea from his mug. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been acting so strangely lately?” Garmadon asked, placing his mug back on the table. It had been over a month since he’d last talked to Jay and over that time they had all noticed the changes in his behaviour. After some subtle, and not so subtle nudges, Jay had finally approached him to talk and Garmadon was ready to help. 

“I screw everything up,” Jay replied, his hands unusually still. “The worst ninja.” 

Garmadon leaned forward. He’d learned that Jay needed constant reassurance, and a little stern voice usually helped get the point across. “Jay, you are not the worst ninja, you may have your weaknesses, but they do not make you the worst, they do not define you. It is your strengths, your intuition and your skills, your heart," Garmadon paused, his expression serious, "They are what make you who you are, a great ninja." 

Jay shook his head, turning away, "No, you're wrong," he replied, "I don't have any strengths, any skills, I only make things worse." 

"What happened, Jay?" Garmadon asked, hands folded neatly on his lap. It was clear that reassurance wasn't going to be enough here. 

"You swear you won't tell anyone?" Jay asked, turning to face Garmadon head on.

Garmadon nodded, "I swear to you Jay, anything we talk about here will stay between us. I will not reveal anything without your consent." 

Jay released the breath he was holding, satisfied with the response. As nervous as he was, he knew Garmadon would keep the secret he couldn't keep himself. "I erased months from everyone's minds to defeat a magical djinn who nearly destroyed all of Ninjago, and all of you." He looked up Garmadon, waiting for a response. 

"When did this happen?" Garmadon asked, his face neutral. 

"A few months ago."

"Are you the only one who knows?" 

Jay shook his head, "No, no Nya remembers too, I think it's because I wished for her to take my hand, but I don't understand it," he bit his lip, silently cursing his watery eyes, "So much happened, and no one remembers but us." 

"What happened Jay?" Garmadon asked, leaning forward slightly, allowing his concern to seep through his expression. "I will not share it." 

"Well…" Jay recounted the events in as simple detail as he could. Though he wasn't sure how exactly the senseis and Misako had been captured, it wasn't important. His breath hitched as he reached the part about making wishes with Nadakhan, the shock of learning he was adopted, but he didn't let it stop him. Being adopted, it wasn't something that phased him so much anymore, he was happy with his parents. 

He winced as he recounted losing track of Kai, leading to his eventual capture. And then again with Zane, watching as he'd disappeared into the boat. Jay didn't mention how terrified he'd felt, seeing Zane go into the boat alone, it was just another thing he'd failed at. He rushed through the island, not wanting to dwell on that particular place for too long. 

"Then Nadakhan captured me," he said, his voice faltering. 

Jay tried to open his mouth, to continue recounting as briefly as he could that they'd tried to get him to make his third wish but he couldn't. The words refused to come out. It felt as though his lungs were being pressed down, all the air pushed out of his chest. He tried to suck in large, gulping breaths but still nothing came in, his chest only grew tighter and tighter. He could almost picture it, the soft orange arms wrapped around his chest, the smokey tail constricting him, choking him. He could hear sounds, but nothing was getting through, only the screaming. He'd screamed so much, it was a staple in his mind, an echo in his ears that refused to die down. His body shook, aches from phantom bruises all across his skin. Bones that had never been broken shuddered in pain, his joints that had never been hurt twinging in agony. Pain he had never actually endured wracked his body. 

Something cool was pressed into his shaky hands, the material soft. It molded to his hands, bending and shifting with the movement of his fingers. Along his back a warm, solid hand ran circles across his shoulder blades, a slow and smooth action that drew some of the pain away, forcing it back as the pressure became the only thing he could feel. Soft words were whispered into his ears, a calming mantra that beat back the memory of his own screams. 

The pressure on his chest lessened and he was finally able to suck in deep breaths. He leaned forward, hands pressed against his knees as he focused on the pressure against his back and the words being spoken into his ears. 

When his breathing was finally steady, the panic and pain dissolving from inside him, he leaned back against the hand. 

"I'm sorry," he rasped, wiping his face with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Garmadon shook his head, "No Jay, you have nothing to be sorry for," he affirmed, keeping his hand on Jay's back, "The things that happen to us, just because they were in the past does not mean it doesn't affect you now, and you never need to apologise for it." 

Jay shivered, prompting Garmadon to resume rubbing circles against his back. He wanted to pull away from the contact, now that he was aware of his surroundings again, but he didn't. "I can't stop remembering what happened," he whispered, keeping his eyes staring down into his lap, "But every time I do I feel… I feel  _ him _ , and it's like I'm back there all over again." 

"Does Nya know how much this affects you?" 

Jay shook his head, fresh tears welling in his eyes. "I can't tell her," he mumbled, stumbling over his words, "She… she went through so much too and I can't." 

"It's alright Jay," Garmadon affirmed, keeping his hand moving in slow, steady circles against Jay's back, "You don't need to tell her about what happened, but you also don't need to hold all this pain in alone." 

"I have to, if anyone knew they'd hate me for keeping it a secret for so long," Jay replied, his voice soft. "I… I don't know how to tell them we had an entire battle for the fate of Ninjago they didn't even know about." 

"I'm not going to tell you that you need to tell them Jay," Garmadon explained, his voice soft, "You have opened up to me and I am very proud of you." 

Jay sniffed, "Heh, even though I couldn't even say what happened?" he replied, his voice shaking slightly. "I'm too weak, it's pathetic." 

"Jay, it is not weakness to be unable to talk," Garmadon replied, his voice firm, "What you went through was clearly traumatic and things like that do not just stop hurting because they're over." He paused the circles and reached up to Jay's shoulders, giving it a gentle squeeze, "Despite everything that you went through, you are still here." 

"I can't stop thinking about it," Jay broke out, choking down a sob, "I don't remember the last time I didn't have a nightmare." His shoulders started to shake as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. "What does it matter that I'm still here if I can't stop thinking about it?" 

"It matters because you do," Garmadon replied, giving Jay's hand an affirming squeeze, "You matter Jay, and dealing with these thoughts and feelings all the time is not something you have to deal with." He paused the circles on Jay's back, shuffling in his spot so he was in front of Jay. "I am so proud of you for telling me about all this, we are going to work on strategies and tools that will help you through this because you matter, your happiness is worth it."

Tears welled in Jay's eyes, "I'm not worth it," he whispered, "Not after everything I've done." 

Garmadon held both of Jay's hands in his own, "Jay, you do not need to do anything to be worthy of happiness, no matter what things you've done in your past, you are worth it." 

"I- I don't-" 

"You  _ are _ worth it."


	12. Forced Shutdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: sleeplessness and surgery  
> Spoilers for Season 6

Garmadon fiddled with the door just a little longer as he waited for Zane to be ready. He made sure that the door was locked and everything was in order before finally making his way to his seat. He offered Zane a warm smile in greeting and sat opposite him, "An excellent choice," he remarked, gesturing to the frilly square pillow in Zane's lap. 

"Thank you," Zane replied, running his hand across the frills. His voice was quiet, his eyes cast downward. 

Garmadon waited a moment longer, to see if Zane had any more to say, before speaking. "Our next session wasn't until next week, has something happened?"

Zane paused his stroking of the pillow, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. He'd been waiting for the question, though he still wasn't sure how to frame his answer. His thoughts were lost in memories, his mind empty of words. "Well, I need to be shut down," he finally stated, relying on the cold hard facts to help him through. "My systems need some real repairs and it would be much faster to shut me down for a few hours while they do so." 

"I'd be lying if I said I understood how technology all worked," Garmadon admitted, "However I imagine being shut down would mean they'd be able to get more done without hurting you, not unlike surgery." 

"Yes," Zane nodded, "Like surgery…" he trailed off, still not taking his eyes off the pillow in his lap. 

"It may sound simple Zane, but it is not without worries," Garmadon continued, giving Zane a gentle smile, "Surgery is scary." 

Zane sighed, "It is… worse than that," he managed, thinking carefully over his words. "I wouldn't need this if I hadn't been so foolish." 

Garmadon raised an eyebrow in question, then realising that Zane was still staring down at the pillow, spoke, "What happened?"

"I haven't been doing full sleep cycles," he admitted, his voice quiet, barely audible in the quiet room. "Turning myself off completely, it is not something I have wanted to do and… well… it has taken its toll." He let his shoulders sink, his decision weighing him down. At the time, he hadn't thought much of it. Simply letting his body rest while his mind stayed in a semi-conscious mode had seemed perfectly safe. His body still had the chance to rest and he didn't have to switch off his mind, it felt like the perfect compromise. Or at least, it had, until he realised the set up had left him glitchy and slow. 

And now, now he had no choice but to completely shut down for several hours at least, completely reliant on others to wake him up again. The thought terrified him. 

"Zane, what stopped you from doing proper sleep cycles?" Garmadon asked, his voice gentle. He could see the fear swirling around Zane's thoughts, his eyes far away and his expression fearful. 

"I… I am afraid," Zane replied, trying to speak up and find his voice, "Shutting down… it makes me vulnerable." He finally looked up, noticing the confusion in Garmadon's eyes. "I am slow to wake when I properly shut down for sleep," he explained, his words slow and careful, "If there is danger or something is wrong, it would take me longer to come back to awareness." 

Garmadon studied Zane, reading between the lines of his words. "Something happened, didn't it?" he asked, his tone gentle, "It is not uncommon for people to be heavy sleepers, even in dangerous situations they take time to awaken, but this fear you have, it is a little more than that." 

Zane sighed, nodding slowly. A small part of him wanted to deny the truth, pass it off as a minor fear and move on, but he knew he shouldn't. It was time he finally talked about that moment, that memory. "I was hacked," he stated, his voice matter of fact. If he focused on the facts, the details of the event, it meant he could ignore the feelings swirling around inside of him. "An adversary managed to get into my system and take control of my entire body," he spoke, his tone mechanic and each word spoken with a striking clarity. "It was… unpleasant and not one I wish to repeat by lowering my defenses to sleep." 

"That is completely understandable Zane," Garmadon replied, "To have someone take control of your own body, it is natural to not want it to happen again." He gave Zane a warm smile, "However, depriving yourself of sleep is not the best option." 

"I know," Zane replied, his voice quiet, "But I didn't know what else to do." 

"Did you speak to Jay or Nya, perhaps even Borg, about this?" Garmadon asked, "They may have a way to improve security on your systems." 

Zane shrugged, "I did not want to bother them," he admitted, staring down at his fingers. The experience had been an unpleasant one, but at least afterward he'd had Pixal in his head to help. But now… now it was only him and if he let down his defenses for even a moment, there was no telling what could happen. He couldn't let the team know how vulnerable he was, how much of a danger he truly is. 

"Have they ever done or said anything that says you're a bother?" Garmadon asked, keeping his gentle tone. 

He shrugged, shaking his head, "Well… no but even so I am a nindroid, I am supposed to be stronger and more durable, asking to improve security…" his voice fell quiet, "It would be a weakness." 

"Zane, being made of metal doesn't make you any less human than the rest of us," Garmadon affirmed, "Yes, you are different, you aren't made of flesh and that does make you stronger and more durable, however it doesn't mean you are without weaknesses," he leaned forward, placing a hand on Zane's knee, "No one expects you to be perfect." 

"I do," Zane replied, his tone snappish, he didn't move his knee and instead focused his attention on the pillow sitting in his lap. "They don't say it, but I know they expect so much of me. I cannot show weakness to them, not when they need me to be strong."

"Other people's expectations are not your responsibility," Garmadon replied, his voice firm but kind, "It is not your duty to uphold them."

Zane kept his gaze down, unsure of how to respond to Garmadon's words. He knew it was true, it made sense of course to not let others dictate how he should act, but it felt wrong. How could he willingly ask for help when he knew the others needed far more help than he? 

"It is not wrong or bad to want to protect your friends from your own struggles," Garmadon continued, his voice softer, "It is admirable you care about their wellbeing and want to make sure they are safe and well," he leaned forward slightly, keeping his voice gentle, "It is exactly what they want for you."

Zane sighed, his shoulders sinking, "I don't know if I can let them," he murmured, "I'm supposed to be strong." 

"Why don't we start small?" Garmadon suggested, "between Jay, Nya and Cyrus, who do you trust the most, with this?" 

"I… I suppose Jay," Zane said, finally looking up from the pillow, "He is… quite gentle and I feel safe with him, when being repaired." 

"Do you think you could tell him that you're scared?" Garmadon asked, his tone gentle. "It is normal to be nervous about being shut down, it is akin to surgery and it can be a scary experience for anyone to go through." 

Zane shrugged, "I don't see how it can help," he admitted, "It won't matter what I say, I will still be shut down. I will have my systems exposed with no control over what happens. I could lose my memory again, I could have my programming changed, I could never wake up again," his voice shook, "Anything could happen." 

"Anything could happen," Garmadon agreed, nodding as he spoke, "There are always risks in surgery, but from what I believe, this is a routine check up, just a little longer and more thorough than usual, right?" 

Zane nodded. 

Garmadon smiled in thanks, "Then there are far fewer risks involved. And I'm sure if you asked, Jay would be happy to take the lead. Perhaps there is even something he can do to help ease your concerns." Garmadon tapped his chin, pondering a suggestion that might give Zane a starting point, "If you are worried about changing while unconscious, then perhaps there is something Jay can give you that will stay the same until you wake up, as a reminder that nothing will change," he rested his hands back in his lap, "What do you think?"

"I… I suppose," Zane replied, his tone full of uncertainty. "I could try."

"That's all we can do," Garmadon said, smiling warmly at Zane, "I am proud of you." 

Zane smiled, "Thank you," he said, "For listening." 

Garmadon leaned forward at pat Zane's knee, "Of course, I am always going to be here for you." 

"Will… will you be there?" Zane murmured, his voice going quiet again, "When I need to be shut down?" 

"If you want me to be there, I will," Garmadon replied, "For as long or as little as you like." 

Zane held Garmadon's hand in his own, "Thank you," he whispered, "Thank you."


	13. I'm Here For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings :)  
> Spoilers for Season 2

Wu sat opposite Garmadon, blowing gently on his cup of tea as the cup warmed his hands. His eyes wandered around the room. He had seen it when they'd first set it up but now, months after they'd started the therapy sessions, it had changed a fair bit. There was now a large box of trinkets and tools for fidgeting, Wu recognised a few that he had helped collect and seen lying around the Bounty. There was also a third chair in the room completely dedicated to an array of pillows and stuffed animals. He was tempted to take one to add to his chair, but decided against it. 

"I like what you've done with the room," Wu remarked, taking a sip of his tea.

Garmadon chuckled, "Thank you, Wu, a lot of it is thanks to your students, they have some…" his gaze drifted to the third chair, "interesting tastes."

Wu nodded, "They certainly do have a particular style in decorating," he mused, thinking back to the wide array of clashing colours and designs across the Bounty's spaces. "It is nice to see them up and about more," he continued, pausing to take another sip of his tea, "You have been working wonders, I am thankful for all that you have done for them." 

"It is the least I could do for all of you," Garmadon replied, bowing his head slightly in thanks, "They are amazing students, you should be very proud." 

Wu took another sip of his tea, studying Garmadon over the rim of his cup. "I am very proud of them," he said, each word spoken with care. "They have done so well, despite everything they've been through." 

"What aren't you saying?" Garmadon asked, a knowing smile on his face, "I can hear it in your voice, that something's wrong."

"Of course you can," Wu replied, a small smile on his face, "You were always good at knowing when something was wrong, it's what makes you such a good therapist." 

Garmadon shook his head, "Talk to me Wu, what's really bothering you?" 

Wu looked down into his tea cup, his mind searching for an excuse to leave. Though, he knew he couldn't just leave to escape this conversation. First of all, Garmadon would undoubtedly follow him and try to get him to open up, as he always did when they were younger. And second he knew they'd planned to have the afternoon together and it would be rude to just leave. It had been so long since they'd spent any real time alone. He'd have to try something else to move the conversation on. 

"I must say, I was hoping we could talk about your Monastery," he replied, hoping that the topic would draw the conversation away from himself. "Sitting in on your lesson last night was a wonderful experience." 

"Thank you, but I'm not letting this go," Garmadon said, placing his cup down and folding his arms, "We haven't had a good chat in decades, we are long overdue." 

Wu sighed, "Really Garmadon, there is nothing to really chat about, besides we talked not long after the final battle, this is unnecessary." 

Garmadon sighed, studying Wu's expression. It was painfully obvious that Wu didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him. There had been so many years while they were apart, when Garmadon was trapped in the Underworld, lost behind the evil of the venom, power hungry and out of control. There were things he probably shouldn't be pushing for but if they were ever going to heal… he wanted to be there for Wu, as he had always been. He could only hope that Wu would understand. 

"Wu, please, I am here for you," he said, unfolding his arms and resting them into his lap, "If you really don't want to talk, we won't, but I want you to know that even though I wasn't there for you before, I am here now and I promise, I'm not ever going to leave again." 

The room was quiet as Wu mulled over Garmadon's words. He kept his eyes down, staring into his tea cup. He wasn't sure if he was truly ready to speak to Garmadon, to talk like they used to about the thoughts swirling through his head. But even so, he truly did miss being able to talk so freely. 

He placed his tea cup down on the table and stood, "I do not believe I am quite ready to talk about the past," he explained, walking around the table towards Garmadon, "But I am ready to be here with you in the future." 

Garmadon stood too and wrapped Wu in a hug. "Always, brother." 

Wu leaned into the hug, pulling Garmadon closer, a warm smile on his face. It really was wonderful to have his brother back. 


	14. Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bullying, abandonment

Nya settled into her seat, a miniature version of her samurai x mech being twisted in between her fingers. This wasn't her first session, but something about sitting in front of Garmadon, ready to listen to her every word, to help her, it was unsettling. She was so used to handling things herself, taking control of her own life and making her own decisions, it was strange to let someone else into that process. 

"So, how are things going?" Garmadon asked, settling back into his chair and giving her a warm, gentle smile. 

Nya shrugged, "Fine I guess, it's a little quiet though," catching Garmadon's confused expression, she continued, "The boys are on a training trip with Wu, camping in the woods. I… wasn't invited." She stared down at the toy mech in her hands, "Someone needed to stay behind, the Bounty needs maintenance, sure that's usually Jay's job but I know he wanted to go so it's fine, really. I finally get some time for myself." 

Garmadon tilted his head, "I can tell from your tone it's not fine Nya," he said, his voice soft, "And there's nothing wrong with that." 

Nya leaned back in her chair, tucking one leg underneath the other, "Yeah but I'm used to it by now," she explained, her eyes glancing down to the toy mech, the one thing that had given her freedom so long ago. "They always left me behind, to go on their missions, it… well I guess it did bother me then but it doesn't bother me anymore. Really."

"You know," Garmadon mused, leaning back in his chair and placing his leg across his knee, "You don't need to be okay with it."

"Well there's not much I can do about it," she grumbled, "If I bring it up they'll just forget about it and I'll feel even worse when they leave me behind. It's better if I don't say anything at all." 

"They may be forgetful, but do you really believe they'd forget about you?" Garmadon asked, his tone gentle, "They love you Nya, but they can't know what's hurting if you don't let them know." He caught her frown and gave her a soft smile, "Has something happened to make you believe they wouldn't care?"

Nya looked back down, avoiding eye contact with Garmadon. She knew, in those early days, the boys had been hyper focused on the Serpentine, Wu had been too, and she had been an oversight. But it hadn't bothered her, because it was normal for her to be left behind. It wasn't a surprise. Besides, they'd always greeted her when they returned. Always say hello before regaling her with details of their latest adventure, that is until she started joining them herself. 

No, they'd never really made her believe they didn't care. Not them at least. 

She looked back up to Garmadon, gnawing on her lip as she thought hard over her next words. "It's… experience," she said carefully, "Staying behind on the Bounty, it's not the first time people left me behind." 

Garmadon leaned forward, showing his attention, "Would you like to talk about it?" He asked, his voice gentle. 

Nya stared back down at her hands for a moment. This was something she'd never told anyone, not even Kai but it was an event she'd held close to her ever since. It hovered at the back of her mind, a subtle reminder of her friends, or rather her lack of friends. Maybe… maybe it was time to let it go. 

"When we were kids, sometimes I would go play with the other kids while Kai worked," Nya began, taking steady breaths to keep herself in check. "They… never really included me in games but I would play anyway and we all got along well enough. But one day, we all played hide and seek." Her hands tightened around the toy, her chest tightening as the memory was brought forward. She took another deep breath before continuing, "Me and this other girl, we went look around the house we were at and found the closet but she was too scared so I hid in there and she went away." 

She bit her lip, her fingers feeling each little detail of the toy mech, the texture rough against her skin and giving her mind something else to focus on. "I stayed there for… I really don't know but it was a long while. I know, because I started counting and I got really high and had to start over a few times. So I got really bored and left to try and find the others, see if I could find them, but they weren't in the house." 

Nya closed her eyes, counting her breaths. She could still hear whispers of their laughter in her mind, memories from so long ago that had never left. "They weren't in the house because they were outside, all of them." She opened her eyes and glanced up at Garmadon. Relief flooded through her at his soft expression, the pain she'd felt all those years ago reflected on his face. She gave him a thankful smile and continued, "They were playing a new game, every single kid, I think it was tag or something. I watched them from the door, running around, laughing and playing but… well this is where my memory gets foggy," she admitted, staring back down at her hands, "I know I went to the front of the house and waited for Kai to come pick me up, all I wanted to go home. I don't remember if the other kids ever came inside, I don't know if they pretended to play hide and seek to get rid of me or if they got bored or if they just forget about finding me but…" her voice shook ever so slightly, "I never told Kai what happened, I acted as if nothing was wrong and played with them over and over again but even though I acted like it never happened, I couldn't stop thinking about it every time I saw them, or any time Kai asked me about them." 

Garmadon waited a moment longer, to make sure that Nya had finished her story, before talking. "Nya, I am so, so sorry this happened to you," he leaned forward, his sincerity plain in his voice, "The actions of these other children, they are not because of anything you've done. Some people are cruel, their actions hurtful with no real reason behind it. No matter what their intentions were, nothing was your fault." 

Nya blinked, surprised to find her eyes welling up with tears. 

"There was nothing you did to make anyone do this," Garmadon continued, "It was not your fault." 

Nya clenched her teeth, biting back a sob and doing her best to hide it. 

"It is not okay that it happened, and I am so, so sorry it ever did."

Nya pressed her hands into her face as the tears fell freely, her shoulders shaking as sobs wracked her body. All those emotions, all those feelings she'd been holding back releasing all at once. Years of resentment towards herself, towards those kids for abandoning her, leaving her behind. 

Garmadon stood, stepping close to Nya and kneeling in front of her. He placed a hand on her knee and pushed a tissue box closer to her. He waited, softly patting her knee as she cried. "It's alright Nya, let it all out," he murmured, just audible over her sobs. 

Finally, she could feel her sobs starting to ease. She sat up, giving Garmadon a grateful smile and accepting the tissue he offered her. "I- I'm sorry," she mumbled, her tongue feeling salty from her tears. 

Garmadon shook his head, "No, no, you don't need to apologise," he reassured, "Crying is not a bad thing, it is a natural reaction to stress, emotions and pain and more often than not can be a reliever of those feelings," he stood, patting Nya on the shoulder before returning to his chair. "Crying is never something you need to apologise for."

Nya smiled, wiping her eyes as more tears streamed down her cheeks. "I always thought it was me," she said, her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat, "I thought I offended them or something, that they didn't really like me, that's…" she sniffed, "that's why."

Garmadon shook his head, "No, Nya, it was never you," his voice was soft, gentle, "You are not responsible for the actions of others. What these kids did, it is not your fault." 

"How can you be so certain?" Nya asked, wiping her face again, "Those kids did it, the ninja did it, Wu did it, everyone forgets about me. How can you be so certain it's not me?" 

"Because I know you," Garmadon replied, "And I've been around long enough to learn that people, they don't need to have a reason to be cruel, they just do. Whether it's for fun or something else, it doesn't matter because it's their idea,  _ their _ decision, and has nothing to do with you." He clasped his hands together, resting them on his knees. "As for the ninja and Wu, well, I think we can both agree they were more than a little shortsighted. I'd like to think they'd gotten better but it appears they still forget." 

Nya chuckled, "Heh, they are a bit shortsighted, I don't… I don't think they realise either." 

"Perhaps you can remind them," Garmadon mused, giving her a mischievous smile, "Say, do you know where they're camping?" 

Nya frowned, then a wide smile crossed her face, "It just so happens I do." 

"Would you like company?"

Nya smiled, "Yeah." 

She stood and Garmadon mirrored her, following her from the room. He placed a hand across her shoulder, giving it a squeeze, "Let's go remind them just how silly they are for going without you." 

Nya glanced up at Garmadon, smiling back, "You know what would be even better?" 

Garmadon raised an eyebrow in response. 

"If we reminded them how much of a chicken they all are," she replied, a truly mischievous grin across her face. 

"Oh Nya," Garmadon replied, an equally mischievous grin on his own face, "I do like your style."


	15. Possessed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety and panic attack  
> Spoilers for Season 5

The room was still, quiet as neither Lloyd or Garmadon spoke. They sat in silence as Lloyd hugged his plush, a plump green dragon, close to his chest. His arms were tight with tension, his knuckles going pale as he squeezed it. A rapid tapping filled the room as he bounced his legs, one after the other. Normally he'd find the noise frustrating, but now, it was a reminder that he was in control. He was moving his feet, squeezing his arms, it was all him. There was nothing else, no one else, doing it for him. 

"Lloyd, I understand this must be a frustrating question by now but, how are you?" Garmadon asked, his voice gentle. He sat opposite Lloyd in his chair, he looked relax however the tension in his shoulders betrayed his feelings. 

Lloyd merely shrugged, shifting his grip around the plush, "I'm fine." 

"Really?" Garmadon asked, leaning forward ever so slightly, "After everything that's happened, you're fine?" 

Lloyd huffed, "So you don't believe me?" 

"In this case," Garmadon replied, keeping his tone soft, "No, I don't." 

Lloyd squeezed the plush, his breathing speeding up. He could feel the tension in the toy, the stuffing constricted inside against his strength. He forced himself to relax, at least a little bit, and release the tension on the toy. "I'm. Fine." 

"Lloyd-"

"I'M FINE!" Lloyd jumped to his feet, pushing the plush closer into his chest, "I just want to forget about it okay? Like it never happened." 

"But it did happen," Garmadon replied, keeping his tone soft, "Something like this, pushing it down, pretending it didn't will only make it worse." 

Lloyd sunk back into his chair. He tried to hide his shaky hands in his lap, his eyes flitting towards his hands and Garmadon sitting opposite him. He wanted to be okay, to be able to lean back and smile and chat as if nothing was wrong but there was a reason Garmadon was good at what he did, and that was because he saw right through him. 

"No one expects you to be better right away," Garmadon spoke up, "And we are all here for you, to help you." 

Lloyd sniffed, "I don't want to remember it," he mumbled, struggling to get his words out as he bit back sobs, "It would be easier to just not." 

"Would it?"

Lloyd couldn't stop the tears from falling. 

The toy fell from his grip as he slipped from the chair onto his knees, hands reaching up and hugging his own shoulders, as if he could force himself to stop crying. His entire body felt tight, every muscle filled with tension. He took in big gasps of air, struggling to breathe through his sobs, his lungs feeling empty, as if he was suffocating on his tears. 

Garmadon was by his side immediately, gentle but firm hands pressed into his shoulders. "Lloyd, Lloyd look at me," he said, keeping his voice soft but clear over the gasping sounds of Lloyd's sobs. 

He forced himself to turn his head, just enough to see Garmadon kneeling beside him, his face filled with concern. Concern that shouldn't be there, concern that he shouldn't feel, because he was okay. He was fine. It was fine. His entire body shook, his vision blurry as tears filled his eyes, spilling over down his cheeks and splashing onto his shirt. 

"Lloyd, tell me, what can you hear?"

He shook his head, hands sliding from his shoulders to his ears, he didn't want to hear. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel.

Warm hands held his own, pulling him into a gentle hug. Garmadon kept his breathing steady, holding Lloyd close so he could feel the rise and fall of Garmadon's chest.

"Breathe with me," Garmadon murmured, shifting his hands to rub circles in Lloyd's back, "You are here, you are safe, breathe with me." 

Garmadon counted his breaths, rubbing slow and gentle circles into Lloyd's back. He stayed there, keeping gentle pressure on Lloyd until his breathing slowed enough for them to talk. 

"Lloyd, you are safe now," he murmured, "No one can hurt you anymore." 

Lloyd leaned back, and Garmadon released him, "I don't want to remember, because I can't stop thinking about it," Lloyd said, his voice hoarse. "Every time I move, I wonder, is it me? Am I actually moving? Or is it…  _ him _ ."

"It really is okay to want to forget," Garmadon said, taking Lloyd's hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze, "It is only natural to want to forget a traumatic experience, and if there was some way to help you forget it, I would do it in a heartbeat." 

Lloyd sighed, "But?" he said, his expression filled with a lost kind of hope. 

"But there isn't," Garmadon continued, "There is only moving forward." 

"What if I can't?" Lloyd asked, fear lacing his voice, "What if I can't move on?" 

Garmadon gave Lloyd's hand another gentle squeeze, "I believe in you Lloyd, even after all that you've been through, you're still standing. I believe you can keep going, you can move forward, and no matter how long it takes, I will be here to support you."

"Even if I never get over this?" 

"Yes Lloyd, even if this experience never leaves you, I will be here to support you through it."

Lloyd took a deep breath, wiping away the last of his tears with his sleeve. He reached for the plush, which had fallen behind him when he'd sunk to the floor, and pulled it to his chest. "Okay," he said, his voice barely audible. He coughed and straightened, sitting up taller, "Okay," he repeated, his tone stronger, "I can do this." 

Garmadon smiled, "Yes, yes you can." 


End file.
